http://www.coolphotohost.com/uploads/d7d5e0ee76.jpg

i hate not being able to post images....

In a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing
In a manner of speaking
I don't understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way I feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
In this life that we live
We only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words

(IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING - DEPECHE MODE)

 

 

why can't i post photos?.....

why can't i insert images anymore? i need images.... i'm no good with words. this sux.

someone told me i'm a good kisser. and i'm good with words. i can never handle compliments that well cuz i always think that they're just bullshitting me. whether it's true or not... it's sweet to hear. whether it's bullshit or not... that's another story. i like to think it's a better one. c'est la vie? atleast it's my la vie, baby.

got another tattoo today. it was 3 hours of pain and agony, but all the glimpse in front of the mirror just proof that it's worth the torture. i love my new tattoo. it's beautiful.

i don't need to explain to anybody what happened the other night. that was that and life goes on. i think i've got a hanger in my face ever since that 'thing'. bali is strange indeed...

no phonecalls, no sms, no continuity. but my smile stays on, sweetness. it's perfect the way it is. in a couple of days i'll be back in sin city. and i'm sure the madness will happen all over again.

i love my new tattoo, did i say that before?

about last night.

i didn't plan to go to that zoo. M-BAR-GO. a.k.a ZOO. but i went along just for the hell of it. it was actually a good decision cuz i met just about everybody there. marlon and ratu, roy, albar, and the others from kost2an where cumi was staying were all there, there were surfers like rizal tanjung who was totally wasted, dancing as bad as the folks from that fatboyslim video... it was chaos. i was cracking up the whole night.

and then an sms.

"are you coming?"

i didn't think that anybody would notice i wasn't at the get together.

so i replied.

"i'm at embargo now. was stuck at monarchy watching the bands. are you coming here?"

the reply was "otw there.."

so we met again.

sms was helpful in times like this.

"u still here?"

"yes. can't believe i'm dancing to this music"

"i think it's great"

"i know!"

it's funny.

well, around 3 in the morning i was getting pretty bored of the shit music (if you can call the stuff they play here 'music'). when i was about to leave, another sms..

"where are you?"

"i'm leaving. where r u?"

before it was delivered, he was right infront of me. he's tall, dude.

"hello"

racun, where are you? you're not here. you're probably with her... you're probably with her anyway... and i'm here. i'm here with someone else. are you thinking of me? you're probably somewhere with someone, having a fun time, not thinking of me at all.

next thing i know, we were riding his bike (without helmets on, so he took the gang senggols way). these crazy things...

to tell you the truth, i wanted something to happen to. who wouldn't? i'm a normal single person. who had a bottle of to-kill-ya for dinner. and standing infront of this gorgeous someone. and i know he wanted the same thing. so why the hell not?

to the beach, then.

and i like the moon tonight. it's smiling. "you're really good with words". yeah, this coming from someone who don't really speak.

i can't believe it's him. 

it's great to know people and to get to know them better. and it's like that whenever i hung around this place, right in the midle of poppy's. stories they tell, jokes they make, music they play, things they do, poison they take... all kinda fit in to the atmosphere and it's great. just like i'm stepping into a tarantino film. all of a sudden i'm mia wallace. and johnny cash doesn't sound that bad afterall.

it's saturday and the theme is drink as much alcohol as you IMpossibly can. and everybody seem to be successful in living up the theme. there were 2 bands playing at monarchy. psychofun and hydrant. hydrant was fuckin awesome. this rockabilly "straycats" wannabe rocked the place and made everybody dancing the jitterbug. kinda made jakarta's going out scene seem dull and so-so. i wish i was living here, man. not just for the parties and chaos... but just to be surrounded by this cult movie-like situation. whatever. it's just nice to feel as comfortable as this, you know...

it's been a week now and time went by just like that. the only thing i missed from being far away from jakarta was... hmm.. to tell you the truth, i don't miss it one bit. not a single thing i could think right now that made me wanna be in jakarta instead of right here, in the middle of kuta rock city. i can still see them all in my head. eric the tattoo artist, river the tattoo addict hippy clown man, gabriel the brazillian surfer, jering the king of monarchy, sampi the 'too cool for school cowboy daddy-o', agoose the afro bro bartender, the psychofun vocalist who thinks he's all that, the tall handsome guy..what's his name again? i may have forgotten their names, but i can still see their smile..crystal clearly. so clear that it makes me wanna be there again.

last night was pretty much the same. only the band was waaaay worse than tonight. haha.. but it was still sweet. igo was here. so was cumi. i don't see them here tonight. they still got hangovers from last night. embargo did that. bloody embargo.

i'm on my own tonight. here's the deal. i sent a message on friendster to tipi and dully, saying 'hello, i'm here. what's happening tonight?' and surprisingly, they invited me to a get together at their place. the only problem was, i'm here on my own. and the only 2 people i know in that get together are the hosts. not very promising, huh? i'm sure they'd be really friendly and all, but i just don't wanna be a beast of burden. so i decided to go to monarchy, meet the begundals and watch the bands instead. at the end, i think i've made a right decision. because...well, just say that it was the right decision. these things always happen when i least expected it. actually... don't they always happen like this? crazy..

now i know what tequilla means. TO KILL YA. kill me honey, i'm yours...

i wouldn't mind dying like that. rock'n'roll, baby... enjoy yourself whole. hahaha... what am i saying? i don't know.

aaah... BALI...
it's been a week...almost. and it's been heaven. HEAVEN.
loving it. still memories of how it was last year. but those days are over. SO FAKIN WHAT. it was great then and it is great now. i love bali. it's the closest i can get to strawberry fields forever.

mayhem dimulai kembali... thank God!

well, if you didn't know yet... this is the month of PUASA. yup, it's that time of the year, people. can't believe it's already been a year since.... last year's PUASA. hehe..

a year since... giting tapi beramal. haha... yea, i remember it clearly. driving around with the kijang named janky... injecting marijuana into our lungs... and then, handing out SAHUR (nasi bungkus) to homeless people on the streets in the wee hours of the morning... we may be potheads, but we still care! hahaha.. that was nice.

mayhem was good and pretty quiet tonight. glad the fucking FPI didn't kill us. there were like 3 undercover (yea right) cops lurking around. i didn't know this till it was finished. and to think that i was smoking weed out of a pipe in the DJ booth. crazy.

oh yea, i met tapir and banteng again before mayhem. the secret's safe till now. i hope B doesn't find out. i really want him to quit. and i think being secretive about this will help. we'll see...

i designed a cover for the new "THE TEARS" album and posted it in the forum. can't wait to hear them...

i'm back here writing.                                                     

lots happened. too many to write. and it's only been... well, it was a pretty long break.

i'm still swimming. keep on trucking. still here.

what i can remember were:

R:the new guy after N, kumar the movie: wrong drugs, the 2 exhibition openings: oktagon&dharmawangsa square!, the sleepovers: the drawings on the little green book, church and pasar baru, 24 hours party people, getting fatter, the best monday mayhem after a while: orgasms sounds during the white stripes+smells like teen spirit mayhem+black hole sun...puasa,puasa,puasa...

remember last year's puasa...right after bali..pembagian sahur oleh 2 manusia gila dan giting. time goes by like a speeding bullet.

anyway.... today he called. the second time, counting the other day aswell... just to correct the sms(s) he was sending. i guess its no big deal, but i was laughing in the whole conversation cuz i was amazingly happy!!!! it's been awhile since we saw him.

i don't care. i have a right to like someone. shit. how come i'm even scared to write about this here...just incase the other one reads this..

well, today's been boring. after last night's visit from tapir and banteng (animals!! haha), i didn't do shit today. still dreamy. chasing the whole nite... i used a lot. thank God i still got friends who can just tell me to "come over and watch DVDs!". that's what  i did...after a lousy phonecall to B. after the DVD trip, got home, sms, phonecall giggles... now this. hope tomorrow comes sooner. or better yet... hope mayhem comes sooner... i wanna get wasted.